The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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