They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
