She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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