I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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