I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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