smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
