FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
