He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
