I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize