Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
