i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
