Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
