What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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