I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I will be naked everywhere
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We left the knife in your bed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
