I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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