why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
