Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize