Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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