I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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