I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
