Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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