Betty ford says i'm here all night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
