This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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