it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
