That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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