I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
