Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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