you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
