so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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