So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
