She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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