my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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