I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just gift wrapped bread.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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