i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
