Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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