So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
