so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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