Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
