I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
