who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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