Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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