There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
