Me. At least after what I've been through.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
