margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
