I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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