There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
