we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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