handjob tips. give me some.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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