She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
