You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
