My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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