i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
