dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
