to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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