They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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