Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
