I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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