An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
