Ketchup is God's man juice
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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