he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
