the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
