She said her name was "party"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
