we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just high enough for therapy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
