white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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