His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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