Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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