I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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