im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
