zippers are such a cool invention
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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