They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
